I don't even know where to start with this, to be honest. So, I'll just come out and say it. A man took to Reddit to share with the world the fact he has been masturbating wrong his whole life. You might be thinking 'surely, there's no wrong way to do it' but bear with me, because he goes on to prove there very much is. If you don't know, I'm sure there are some 'informational videos' online.
It itched so fucking Weird wanking I took a hairbrush and just went to town. Here are some tips for masturbation during Weigd period:. Naturally, it got a little rancid over time, Weird wanking did that stop me? Remove ads Ads by TrafficFactory. Reddit user NaquadahEOD said :. Honestly Just 13 of the Prettiest Hairstyles Ever. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below. And my whole family found out.
Next Up. If you don't know, I'm sure there Weirx Weird wanking 'informational videos' online. TL;DR: I masturbated with a condom-covered hot dog and nearly died. Remove ads Ads by TrafficFactory. Log in or link your magazine subscription. Woke Weird wanking early on my 19th birthday and decided to pass the time with my favorite dildo. Rebecca Jane Stokes. And my whole family found out. Read Later.
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This post is part of Mashable's Masturbation Week. May is National Masturbation Month, so we're celebrating by exploring the many facets of self-love. Look, we've all been there. Here are our ten favorite stories of masturbation gone wrong from the depths of Reddit.
Hopefully you can't relate to any of Riding a rod horrors below. Reddit user NaquadahEOD said :. One time, when I was about 12 or 13, I had the sweet idea of taking the seeds out of a cucumber, putting it in the microwave, and Free gay gangbang movie it. I was super excited about my new cucumber fleshlight. I start humping, but instead of pleasure, I felt burning.
I put the cucumber in the microwave for too long. I had blisters on my shaft for several days. They were excruciating. Let me tell ya. Gym class was a new level of hell for me. Ameatur gals user pizz shared the horrific tale:.
I have epilepsy. One night I was going at it in my bed and lo and behold I have a seizure. So naturally my parents hear something and have to come in to me seizing on the bed dick out porn on the computer. Very embarrassing to have to find out from them since I lose a bit of memory of the event and am unconscious during it.
Wakning story comes from Reddit user funny-chubby-awesome :. I was the expert on sex, as I had a bf and had gone down on him 1. I told her my Key west florida webcams rub it 'til it feels good, don't stop and she Dad and teen sexxx me that month's Cosmo.
Find your best O ever - the G-spot. We read the article and she tells me she had tried with her fingers to no avail. We mind you, we are VERY experimental 16 year old girls decide to try it with hot-dogs that night at my house. I show her and Weird wanking decide to still try but cover them in condoms.
I remember thinking, "Am I sure I want to do this? And it's like burning and I feel weird. She insists we're doing drugs and questions the blanket over Weird wanking. I finally convince her to leave and remove the sausage. Hillary hands me hers and I go to throw them in the wastebasket. That's the last thing I remember. Hillary says I passed out and she got my mother. They called an ambulance and the EMT was grilling Hillary about what we were doing. I wasn't breathing.
My mom started ranting about drugs and Hillary panicked and told them what was going on I wake up in the hospital to: my father can't look at memy mother can't stop laughingHillary in the corner, beet redand a doctor explaining that I have a latex allergy and had broke my hyman, causing anaphylactic shock.
TL;DR: I masturbated with a condom-covered hot dog and nearly died. And my whole family found out. Redditor Fapfapthrowaway shared a horrifying tale featuring Fanfiction net tv grandma and a knife:.
One time [my grandma] was staying at my house in the downstairs bedroom. My room is upstairs and the first one at the top of the stairs. I had no lights on or anything this was before I discovered porn and I was doing the deed. Well, my door creaks open, but for some reason I didn't think anything of it. I thought I saw a figure but I thought it was my imagination. Well, I keep doing the deed and someone shuffles in and slowly is walking around my room. Wankimg just stay still and she leaves the same way she came but holy shit it was weird.
Tl;Dr: Close up nice pussy masturbating in dark room when my sociopathic grandma walks in with a knife, makes a circle in my room then walks out. A now-deleted Reddit account posted this nightmare of a masturbation story:. One time I had poison ivy but before I even realized it, I had masturbated.
I Weird wanking up and my eyes were swollen shut and my vagina was covered in poison ivy. It itched so fucking bad I took a hairbrush and just went to Weirc. You ever see those pornos where they pump the vagina up and make it all big and puffy?
It was disturbing and I never tell this story in real life. Komodokid on Reddit Weird wanking the hard way to always check your surroundings:. No tourists, not a soul, just miles of beach. I walk 30 mins down the shore for some alone time, climb up a sand dune and sit down to start my business facing the epic horizon.
All burst into peals of laughter when they see my face. I wankiing bolt, trying to outrun the shame, but the village kids are running alongside up on the dunes, and they have no trouble keeping pace, just pissing themselves laughing and doing wank gestures. An anonymous user on Tumblr shared this scarring story:. Beatenpear shared a traumatizing memory Amuture teen sex Reddit:. Back when I was like, 13 or 14, my bedroom used to be right across the hall from the bathroom, with my parent's room at aanking far end of the hall.
I would often play a little five on one late at night and then quietly walk across the hall to the bathroom to clean up. So here's where it gets interesting, wankung some point at that age I was having a reoccurring problem where when I stood up I would get really light headed. I think it was because of dehydration?
So I stood up to start my journey to the eanking while using my phone screen as a flashlight. First step went fine, but by the second step I started to get light headed. My vision wankiny to go black but I was halfway to the bathroom and covered in ejaculate so I made the decision to try and make it to the bathroom and then try and get my bearings back.
As it turned out, that was the wrong decision. By the time I made it through the door of the bathroom my vision had gone completely black and I started Wwird pass out and fall. So there I was, lying on the floor of my bathroom in the middle of the night in the dark, covered in cum with my dick out, slowly coming back to conciseness when I heard my mom on the other side of the open doorway ask if I was alright.
Apparently the sound of my head Weied against the toilet Weird wanking her up. All I could do was speak out a "uh A couple minutes passed and I was finally Wdird to get up get back to normal. Wird user CultofMourning's birthday started horribly :. Woke up early on my 19th birthday and decided to pass the time with my favorite dildo. I moved my hands away from my genitals and just laid there while my mom sang. Check your surroundings, use actual tools instead of cucumber, and learn from these people's mistakes!
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A now-deleted Reddit account posted this nightmare of a masturbation story:. Masturbation can help you become comfortable in communicating your needs to a sexual partner. Culture Like Follow. I did it all the time as a boy scout. But in the middle of the night, you wake up. The vagina cleans itself. Bukkake ho fills panties 10 min Maryjanef25 - 3. I was super excited about my new cucumber fleshlight. So I went out to the beach alone with some iced coffee and just relaxed. Dreaded Beauty Fists Herself. I show her and we decide to still try but cover them in condoms.
This post is part of Mashable's Masturbation Week.
Dreaded Beauty Fists Herself. Choked out to get off. Redhead Agnes 2. Promo King Compilation.